If I were to surmise the meaning of family in the biological sense, it would be simply to know and love those closest to you in the genetic pool but have little if anything to do with the meaning of life that I believe to be spiritual connections.
We define who we are according to our encounters with other human beings. That being said, I believe that we are placed within the universe among those we are most closely related (genetically speaking) so that we can define ourselves and form some level of separation or divide within the genetic pool on a more spiritual level. There are times when this separation does not occur usually because of fear and attachment. This phenomenon is referred to often as the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
I believe that it is important for us to find that path that diverges away from the path taken by the biological family. These varying paths then create a fabric or ripple within the universe so great and complex that human experience thrives. When this ripple is lacking, then there becomes nowhere to go really except in circles.
I say this as it has been 3 months now since I have seen or spoken with my sister. Actually, I am not sure we have ever spoken in the 30 years my body has existed. We have merely talked but never shared. Our previous interaction was the vacation over the summer that I previously wrote about. Most recently, we acknowledged each other’s presence inside a Walgreen’s.
I have released the bond between my sister and myself that I once so eagerly sought. I have released it so that we can each find our ripple and carry on with our lives. Sure, our ripples still have some level of interaction as the physics of ripples tell us, though the spatial friction separating us weakens the level of interaction day by day.
I am saddened though as my niece and nephew may somehow be caught in the undertow. I do love my niece and nephew immensely and wish that we could share some intimate time together, but I feel that I let my own fears prevent that. If I were to speculate, I would also say that they have their own fears that prevent it.
My fears are based on an idea of rejection but also a consideration of my place in their lives. Out of respect, I wonder if it is my place to share openly with my niece and nephew about my life paths and if so, at what age should they/I be? Perhaps, as I have previously conceded, it is my sister’s place to share with them. My fear then is to what extent she will be open and open-minded about my path and how much of a role her own conservative christian values and beliefs will weigh in and pass judgement.
I am also willing to admit that I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill but it is so very important to me that my niece and nephew take the nearest tangent to the circle they seem to be in and find their own ripple.
I can only have faith that my ripple will support that of my niece and nephew as they discover who they are and find their life meaning.