Month: February 2015

I held your hand as you took your last breath.  I can’t help but feel responsible on some level because it was I who made the call that as I feared was to be the last straw.

With that final breath came immense grief and sorrow for me that you will no longer be with me.

With that final breath came peace for you as you are no longer bound by your diseased body.

This emotional roller coaster from relief to grief and from peace to sorrow will undoubtedly be the longest ride of my life.

I Love You – forever & always

It was my 37th birthday (02.12.2015) and one of the most difficult days yet.  We are told by your oncologist that your earthly form will only remain for another 2 to 10 weeks.  This is of course exactly 2 weeks after we decided it was time to arrange hospice services.

On Friday the 13th no less, the hospice nurse tells me that it is much more like 1 to 2 weeks.

My gift to you on Valentine’s Day was the one thing you seem to fear more than anything else.  The single most detested apparatus I have ever heard you speak of.  I feel though that I had no choice – you couldn’t continue on as you have these past few days – especially now that you are deteriorating at a rapid pace.

I am still unable to process why this is your path in life.  You never deserved this – not in the least.

One thing I am certain of though is that energy can neither be created nor destroyed.  Your energy will be with me for the rest of my life and long after.

I love you – forever & always