With the stroke of a pen on the early morning of Friday, September 29, 2023, I created a new peace for myself, started a new chapter, and closed the book on a 23 year relationship (minimum 5 years too long).
You will always be a part of me – there is no escaping that.
You were instrumental in shaping me – I am grateful for that.
I will always hold love in my heart for you – there is no denying that.
As for the Resentment, Anger, Grief, and Embarrassment … hopefully they will subside.
I RESENT you for dismissing my voice. I resent you for not fitting in the box I needed for our relationship to fit in to. I resent you for being an ass in the separation process and forcing a timeline that allowed me no real opportunity to find my new home (WTF – Greenbrier). I resent you for loving me in a way that I know is rare.
I am ANGRY with you because I need someone to blame. I am angry because the big feelings let me know I am still alive.
I am GRIEVING the loss of 23 years of my life. I am grieving the end of a partnership and the likelihood there will not be another. I am grieving the energy you brought to my life even if it was negative in the end, that is better than none.
I am EMBARRASSED and ashamed that I shut you out so quickly. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I did not do more to work on the relationship. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I allowed my pride and ego get the better of me.
I am also F R E E . . .